the contemporary shopping lifestyle

It seems these days we can’t go an election cycle without some sort of sex scandal involving a public official gracing our newspaper headlines. Whether it’s John Edwards cheating on his wife or Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick sending illicit text messages to his “lover” sex and politics seem to go hand in hand since Thomas Jefferson had an “extended family.” Sorry we’re not going to cover FDR, JFK only the new new affairs.

Here’s a list of some of the more noteworthy extramarital transgressions involving our public officials in recent history.

Rep. Mel Reynolds, an Illinois Democrat, was involved in a sex scandal with a teenage girl. Yeah that’s what you want out of your elected Representative.

Republican Sen.. Bob Packwood of Oregon couldn’t keep his hands off women. Bad sure, but you’ll read much worse, if you don’t know it already.

Senator David Vitter Louisiana Republican has always denied his connections and use of New Orleans prostitutes. However the good Senator did come clean about his number showing up on a DC madam’s phone list as well as a few other “issues” he has cleared up with his wife and our lord and savior.

We all remember Senator Larry Craig who inadvertently has made airport men’s bathrooms an uncomfortable place to be. Senator Craig has taken the Clinton approach of denial. But don’t worry he’s not gay.

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigns after news becomes public that he paid for the services of a high end call girl. Ironic since Spitzer came into office, “as a fierce enforcer of ethics in public life.”

“The Whore”

New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey took a different approach to sex scandals when he came out of the closet as a gay man and resigned as Governor of New Jersey. Unexpected for a Republican.

Detroit Mayor Democrat Kwame Kilpatrick who is undergoing a fight for his political career. As hard as he tries he can’t seem to stay out of jail for parole violations. However parole violations aren’t a major concern for the married Mayor who was busted by text. Text messages the Mayor sent in 2002 and 2003 indicated he had a sexual affair with his chief of staff (who is pictured below).

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom committed a cardinal sin by having an affair with his campaign managers wife. Having worked a brief stint in local and national politics I can tell you what a total, colossal violation of trust this is. Especially given the nature of this relationship. Newsom trusted his political future to his campaign manager the least he could do is not f*&k his wife.

Republican Presidential candidate and Arizona Senator John McCain had a little known affair with his current wife when he was married to his ex-wife. This past affair hasn’t made much headlines for McCain and really goes to show that sex and politics don’t have to mean the end to a political career. It just means you’re just not a good person. That’s all.

John Edwards recent marital infidelities have left his personal life splattered like a bug across the windshield of American politics. Of course we delight to learn that Senator Edwards has faults, is human, isn’t a cyborg, unlike former Vice President Al “ManBearPig” Gore. However John’s affair really takes the cake. Not only did he cheat on his wife which is an unconscionable offense in and of itself but the icing on the cake was the fact that his wife was in remission from cancer at this time of the affair. Well done Senator you’re the biggest son of a bitch I know. Senator Kerry is also rumored to now be on Obama’s shortlist as a VP candidate.

The Senator and the “other” woman

My point here is that these are our leaders. The people we elect to represent our interests. Now no one is perfect but come on get it together. What pisses me off the most is that these representatives spend most of their time screwing us, the taxpayer, with higher taxes, less services and in many cases can’t even pass a budget on time leaving many families out in the wind and costing us millions more in interest payments because they can’t do their jobs. Given all these significant deficiencies how do they possibly have the time to f*&k all these people and us at the same time?

About the Author
Madness Letters are short notes and letters that Friedrich Nietzsche wrote to friends and family just before he succumbed to mental illness. MadnessLetters.com is devoted to providing insight into the madness of our modern world.

Madonna has hoed her way through our pop culture since she originally left her mark on MTV with “Like a Virgin.” Ironic how the song that originally put this girl from Bay City, Michigan on the map is the exact opposite way she lives her life. While I was sitting at my desk contemplating how the hell Madonna is hooking up with A-Rod I thought I should peruse her “dating” history. Ah, yeeeah. Wow. Check it.

For your entertainment here’s a list of the Men & Women Madonna has or has been rumored to “befriend” intimately.

David Blaine – HA, really?
Henry Rollins – You think he slapped her around and called her a liar?
Prince – Ewwww. I just had the same reaction Stewie had the time he saw 2 Girls 1 Cup.
Tupac Shakur – Same. How did Suge Knight let this happen?
Dennis Rodman – Could you imagine the hell spawn if these two specimens reproduced?
Guy Ritchie – RIP
John Enos III – Who?
Antonio Banderas – Makes sense. Two whores.
Esai Morales – Beef cake
Willem Dafoe – I thought he putted from the rough.
John F. Kennedy Jr. – Yes the real reason he died. Too soon?
Sean Penn – No doubt cryed in her arms
Mark Wahlerg – Nooooooooooo. I can not find any pic’s of this sorid affair so I am going to assume it’s his Marky Mark days. Good days.
John Starks – Dude the dunked on Jordan it’s cool.
Rufus Sewell – Snaps for this guy. The day a guy named Rufus lands anything is amazing.
Charles Barkely – Before he got all fat
David Lee Roth – I guess they both “light the Manora”
Keith Carradine - Yawn
Anthony Kiedis – This has to be where he got the lyrics, “My friends are so depressed…”
David Duchovny – The new X-Files movie looks sick.
Matt Dillon – You’re better then that Matt. Well maybe not.
Jose Canseco – Lucas movie clap
Vanilla Ice – HA!
Warren Beatty – yes, she got a piece of classic Hollywood.
Michael Jackson – It’s cool he was still kind of Black and she was fabulous

Lenny Kravitz – Damn it Lenny.
Billy Zane – Billy why? You’re a bad ass.
Viggo Mortensen – Lord of nothing. Nah JK.
Chris Paciello – Who?
Sandra Bernhard – Madonna was actually on the losing end of this debacle.
Johnny Zander – No relation to Derek.
Big Daddy Kane – No freaking way.
Britney Spears – Well no real public relationship but it’s clear whose career went downhill after that kiss.

Other rumored affairs: Jennifer Grey, Stiv Bators, Kelly McGillis, John Benitez, Megan Mullaly, Mark Kamins, Dan Gilroy, Naomi Campbell, Stephen Bray, Rosanna Arquette, Isabella Rossellini, Bison Dele, Chris Rock, Mark McGrath.

I know, you’re tired, imagine me I wrote it. Maybe now that she’s aging like my kidneys this recent, alleged affair with NYC’s own A-Rod, will be “for the very last time.”

Hats off to you Madonna you’re a whore.

About the Author
Madness Letters are short notes and letters that Friedrich Nietzsche wrote to friends and family just before he succumbed to mental illness. MadnessLetters.com is devoted to providing insight into the madness of our modern world.