the contemporary shopping lifestyle

Madonna has hoed her way through our pop culture since she originally left her mark on MTV with “Like a Virgin.” Ironic how the song that originally put this girl from Bay City, Michigan on the map is the exact opposite way she lives her life. While I was sitting at my desk contemplating how the hell Madonna is hooking up with A-Rod I thought I should peruse her “dating” history. Ah, yeeeah. Wow. Check it.

For your entertainment here’s a list of the Men & Women Madonna has or has been rumored to “befriend” intimately.

David Blaine – HA, really?
Henry Rollins – You think he slapped her around and called her a liar?
Prince – Ewwww. I just had the same reaction Stewie had the time he saw 2 Girls 1 Cup.
Tupac Shakur – Same. How did Suge Knight let this happen?
Dennis Rodman – Could you imagine the hell spawn if these two specimens reproduced?
Guy Ritchie – RIP
John Enos III – Who?
Antonio Banderas – Makes sense. Two whores.
Esai Morales – Beef cake
Willem Dafoe – I thought he putted from the rough.
John F. Kennedy Jr. – Yes the real reason he died. Too soon?
Sean Penn – No doubt cryed in her arms
Mark Wahlerg – Nooooooooooo. I can not find any pic’s of this sorid affair so I am going to assume it’s his Marky Mark days. Good days.
John Starks – Dude the dunked on Jordan it’s cool.
Rufus Sewell – Snaps for this guy. The day a guy named Rufus lands anything is amazing.
Charles Barkely – Before he got all fat
David Lee Roth – I guess they both “light the Manora”
Keith Carradine - Yawn
Anthony Kiedis – This has to be where he got the lyrics, “My friends are so depressed…”
David Duchovny – The new X-Files movie looks sick.
Matt Dillon – You’re better then that Matt. Well maybe not.
Jose Canseco – Lucas movie clap
Vanilla Ice – HA!
Warren Beatty – yes, she got a piece of classic Hollywood.
Michael Jackson – It’s cool he was still kind of Black and she was fabulous

Lenny Kravitz – Damn it Lenny.
Billy Zane – Billy why? You’re a bad ass.
Viggo Mortensen – Lord of nothing. Nah JK.
Chris Paciello – Who?
Sandra Bernhard – Madonna was actually on the losing end of this debacle.
Johnny Zander – No relation to Derek.
Big Daddy Kane – No freaking way.
Britney Spears – Well no real public relationship but it’s clear whose career went downhill after that kiss.

Other rumored affairs: Jennifer Grey, Stiv Bators, Kelly McGillis, John Benitez, Megan Mullaly, Mark Kamins, Dan Gilroy, Naomi Campbell, Stephen Bray, Rosanna Arquette, Isabella Rossellini, Bison Dele, Chris Rock, Mark McGrath.

I know, you’re tired, imagine me I wrote it. Maybe now that she’s aging like my kidneys this recent, alleged affair with NYC’s own A-Rod, will be “for the very last time.”

Hats off to you Madonna you’re a whore.

About the Author
Madness Letters are short notes and letters that Friedrich Nietzsche wrote to friends and family just before he succumbed to mental illness. MadnessLetters.com is devoted to providing insight into the madness of our modern world.